"This is me......."
Hi, I’m Christine but I mostly only get called that now by my mother. Most people know me as CJ, I blame work for that.
One thing you really need to know about me is I’m a talker. I can’t help it, I’ve always been this way. So, making the decision to go through what I’m about to go through and the extra decision to blog about it didn’t come from a need to become “blog famous” it came from a need to just get out the emotional build up that was already starting to bubble up.
So, as the kick ass song from ‘The Greatest Showman’ says…”this is me”. Warts and all (although I am thankfully wart-less), no holds barred, my story as I struggle through it.
This is everything of me in a single photo; a girl who was raised by her English grandfather and loves a good cup of tea, is a giant geek and loves some Star Wars, cares about her dog more than most things in life, and has too much of a fondness for vodka.
So here it goes.
I’m now 38 years old, I’ve had my weight fluctuate up and down since I hit puberty, I’ve had some debilitating eating disorders that have done a lot of long term damage to my body. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. I live in pain 24/7, I kill myself at the gym, eat well (most of the time) and loose next to no weight ever.
I’m classified as morbidly obese when you look at my BMI. Currently I weigh 131kgs. I look at myself and I know I’m overweight but I don’t see that level of being overweight so honestly, it was a shock. When I think of morbidly obese and that number on the scale I don’t picture myself. I picture someone that hates going to the gym and never does. A person that considers going for a bush walk or a big day trip walk around a huge marina as torture.
Thats not me.
I love going to the gym. I love to be active. Travelling is my passion and exploring unknown parts of those travel destinations, getting off the beaten track just makes me happy. Those are things you need a pretty good level of fitness for which I have.
But it also hurts me. My body, and especially my weight that I can’t seem to shift, holds me back from doing even more. There is a thinner, healthier, much more active me trapped inside this body.
For a very long time my weight completely controlled my thoughts, my plans and my life. I was beyond obsessed. In a way I still am, but I do love myself more than I think I ever did. I don’t care really what people think of me. If they want to judge me because my ass looks like I’m smuggling a small family illegally across a border then let them think that. I am happy with who I am on on the inside; BUT, I’m not happy with who I am on the outside. Not from a “I’m not thin and pretty” point of view, but more from a “curse you flubber…you are slowing me down from being my best version of me.”
So…I’ve made a decision.
I’m having Gastric Sleeve surgery on January 30th, 2019.
This has been a huge decision to make and not one thats been made lightly. Like I said at the beginning, I’m a talker and I do that to keep me sane. This blog is just my way to keeping that going. If you’re at all interested at coming on this journey with me feel free to read along. I don’t know if I’ll have a schedule yet for when I’ll write, but I do know it will be honest. Everything I go through with the process I’ll be writing about.
This is it….It’s go time.
