Why surgery, why now & what is with that blog title?
When people hear that you have decided to have weight loss surgery a lot of first reactions (if they are nice) is to do the whole "but why, you don't need surgery, you are perfect just the way you are" comment. It's not done as a false, fake compliment, but I do sometimes think that we are being conditioned these days to think that it is bad to say a person is fat.
So I'll do it for you.
I. Am. Fat.
I don't feel bad in saying it, I don't feel like I'm being fat-shamed if someone says the words to me. I wouldn't feel personally attacked if I went to go bungy jumping and they asked my weight, then told me I was too heavy to jump. That's not fat shaming, that's just good sense. To throw myself off a bridge with only a glorified rubber band tied around my ankles to save my life...hell I'd want the whole world to tell me I was too heavy to do that.
Saying I was fat used to make me feel ashamed. I would frantically try and skirt around the fact in any conversation. Then I reached a stage where I would use the Eminem, 8 Mile defence tactic approach. Make all the jokes about my weight before anyone else could and steal their attacking material. If it worked for BRabbit to win the rap battle then sure it would work in life to steal the fat jokes out of the mouth of those would be attackers.
Now though, I still make the jokes but it's actually just because I find it personally funny. It's not a defence mechanism anymore. I'm comfortable with who I am as a person.
So; if I'm fine with who I am why the surgery, and why now? Also, how the heck does Singapore play into all of this?
So like the blog title says; It started in Singapore.
In August my husband and I were in Singapore on a much needed holiday. It is our favourite country to travel too, eat in and explore. On this particular trip we had a weekend of exploration planned out. For the Saturday we had planned to start early and get a huge walk around the marina which was about 12km, spend the rest of the afternoon in the hotel pool then have a great dinner out that night. Then on Sunday there were some awesome walking tracks that explored Sentosa Island I wanted to get too.
Saturday started out great. We were up early, before the truly body melting midday sun kicked in and powered through the 12km loop from our hotel, down to the waterfront, along Clarke Quay, Boat Quay and the Marina front. It was gorgeous, it was hot and because we didn't want to get caught in the worst heat of the day we powered through and made killer time.
Seeing this view while we walked the whole way round was just awesome.
But see here's the thing people; chaffing happens. I know it happens to a lot of people, fat or thin, but quite frankly, it happens worse with fat people. Lord almighty the heat my giant thighs were generating by rubbing together, through the material of my workout leggings as well I might add, was hot enough to provide central heating to a small suburban home for a family of 3. It's not like I didn't prep myself either; there was anti chaffing barrier creams (cause this ain't my first rodeo) but it was powerless against the might of my thighs and the Singapore heat.
After we got back to the hotel, and I had a fabulously freezing cold shower, and a swim, and another freezing cold shower and applied more than enough chaffing recovery cream I figured I would be good. This had happened before, I wasn't tired, I was still super energised and was ready for the rest of the weekend.
We had an amazing dinner that night, although I did walk exceptionally gingerly through the Marina Bay Sands to get there in order to protect my thighs for our big walking adventure the next day. FYI, while Gordan Ramsey's restaurant in the MBS looks awesome and you would never not go there, I totally recommend the choice we ended up changing to. Yardbird Southern Table & Bar...just good old fashion southern food yum!
Like seriously…look at this meal. It was so bad, but soooooo good.
The next morning I was full of energy, pumped up and ready to tackle our next big days adventure. Only one problem. My body just would not, and could not move.
I had the will to get up and hit the walking tracks. I had the desire to, the energy inside me was there. Heck even the chaffed up thighs had done a complete 180 thanks to my wonder recovery cream, but I was completely unable to lift and move my legs. That day ended up being spent in the hotel, Rob was sent in search of food, and I accomplished the great task of getting holiday laundry done since we were midway through the trip. I truly felt trapped in my body. Inside me is an energetic, hungry for adventure person with the will and stamina to accomplish more than what the physical limitations of my body are currently allowing me to do.
Some people may feel the need to step in at this point and say, well CJ, you did exercise the day before. Your body will be sore but you just need to push on through and you'll get there, but this isn't just a feeling of being a bit post workout sore. My joints were on fire, my legs, toes and fingers were swollen. My lower back was in sheer agony leaving it very tough to even try and move, and that ladies and gentlemen is what fibromyalgia will do to you.
So, lying there in my hotel bed that day I went back to researching something my GP and I had talked about on and off for years. Having gastric sleeve surgery.
Given the combination of PCOS, Fibromyalgia, a terrible metabolism mostly caused by past eating disorders it was always going to be a struggle for me to loose any weight, no matter how much I workout and eat right. I spent months killing myself with some very intensive workouts and structured eating and after several months I had lost……2 kgs.
I had slimmed down a bit sure because I was loosing some fat and converting to lean muscle, but the balance was so out of whack. Even my doctor agreed. I was always going to be caught in this unfair cycle.
So…in Singapore, I decided now was the time.
And I was about to discover there is so much more to having this done then I imagined.
